This came in the email day before yesterday. Harish, as you can see, has mega-tons more experience than I do. And also runs a big company. So you should probably listen to him.
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Further advice to the MBA Class of 2011
Dear Mr. Vadukut, and MBA students navigating placement season –
Your “Cubiclenama” of last week, containing advice for the graduating MBA class passing through the madness of placement season, made for inspiring reading. There is a strong case for making it compulsory reading at all business schools. I must clarify that I am from a very ancient MBA Class of 1987, but some of your sage advice is relevant to all MBA students and alumni, however young or bald they may be. I have indeed begun balding, but am yet to finally conclude whether this is on account of a quarter century spent in corporate cubicles, or a sign of true wisdom that comes from reading various pieces of excellent advice such as yours.
I agree with all the advice you have proferred to the new MBA batch, except your recommendation that they should forget Pink Floyd. This is simply because it is never possible to forget Pink Floyd, despite the fact that we first heard many of their songs in the midst of alcohol fuelled stupor or even worse. Hence, you are asking for the impossible. In any case I must point out that it is quite appropriate to sing their signature number “We don’t need no education” when we finally leave the portals of business school, which is possibly the last educational portal most of us will ever pass through. Many of us will say a very loud Hallelujah to that.
Now, there is further sound advice I would like to share with the MBA class of 2011 as they step into placement season, which builds on what you have told them. To begin with, you must not merely answer questions from the august panel of interviewers. Many of us who are part of interview panels these days also like to be questioned, since we get questioned all the time in our offices anyway. A day without questions is like a dancefloor without music, or Elizabeth Taylor without a husband. So ask your interviewers a few simple questions, such as :
“Are you really happy at your job, Sir ? And what makes you so ecstatic at work, if I may ask ?”
“Do you have really beautiful women in your Organisation ? I mean, even rough approximations of Katrina or Angelina ? Do you encourage dates, Sir, either blind or visually vivid ones, with colleagues ? And a last question, Sir, given the high costs of dining out, do you fund these dates ?”
“What is the best and worst thing that has happened to habitual latecomers in your fine Organisation ?”
You can gradually progress to more complex and interesting questions, such as –
“Sir, can you tell me how you segment consumers in your industry ?” (rest assured, questions on consumer segmentation can never be answered correctly)
“Sir, how can smokers light up in your Company, without breaking the law ?” (from my years of experience, atleast one member of the interview panel will be a smoker, and hence likely to be an implicit breaker of the law. You will therefore never get a honest reply.)
“Sir, do you permit the wearing of bermudas in your office ?”
Now, this last question may appear unusual, but it is a very important investigation to make. Reliable dipstick research has shown that offices which permit Bermudas are generally happy-go-lucky places which you will enjoy forever. If they permit quick tots of Jamaican rum, a delightful liquid close enough in origin to Bermuda, they will be even better. But if an Organisation says No to a Bermuda or a Jamaica, be doubly cautious about accepting an offer from them, because you may end up in a stuffy office which has never ever heard of Dilbert or Vadukut. Sadly, such places exist.
You must also enquire from the interview panel whether the Company parties often, and if so where do they go to let their hair (or what is left of it, in some of our cases) down. If the initial response to this question is positive, go ahead and offer to organize a party that same evening in your dorm. Here is a valuable insight. Most interviewers crave to get back to their campus lives, and there is nothing like a rocking party to soften them up completely. You can play Pink Floyd, mix drinks liberally, and provide colourful bermudas to the interviewers as well. The Chairman of your Placement Committee should be kept away from these happy events, and use good masks all around since these days photographs and leaks appear liberally on the internet, even if Julian Assange is in some sort of custody.
Masks are good advice, actually. Use masks during the interview. Mask everything interesting or illegal you have done on campus. Mask your mathematics scores, if you can, or attribute the dismal performances to the flu you repeatedly suffered during exams. Falling ill is the most natural thing that can happen in business schools, and is sound preparation for your later life in an Organisation.
But let me cut to the only serious point I really want to make, which is the direct opposite of masks. Unmask your passion at the interview, and say what you really want from your career. Tell the interviewers what excites you, what you want to really do in your life. Speak spontaneously. Stand up and speak, if you wish. Loosen your tie, and roll up your sleeves, even if this is considered heresy. Nothing will show you in better light than speaking about what really moves you, and how. Show them that there is fire in your belly, and that it burns brightly. All good interview panels look for the spark within you, but you have to unmask it first.
Here’s hoping you land a job of your dreams !
Harish Bhat
(Harish Bhat is Chief Operating Officer – Watches, Titan Industries Limited. These are strictly personal views, and are quite likely to be disowned by both his Organisation and Alma Mater.)
Too good!! Do Harish write often or anywhere else too???
Too good! Somewhere all of us (as interviewers) would love to have an interviewee like that! However, would the corporate world let us select such a candidate? Big question mark!
People needing “letting” will never select such people
I don’t think its a students who need to be told about being able to roll up their sleeves. The recruiters have a lot less to lose than the candidate hoping to get a job.
(Elizabeth Taylor comment didn’t come at the right time. May she rest in peace)
If you’ve made it as far as graduation day at a B-school, possibly a top rung one at that, then it’s rather late in the day to be singing about not needing an education.
The music video featured schoolkids singing, not B-school ‘about to’ graduates.
Dear Sidin
Frankly, I wasn’t quite impressed with today’s Cubiclenama. Instead of the usual advice to the class of 2011, you should have given them some career ideas. You know, something like “5 Best Business Ideas For The Class of 2011”. This would also have given you the satisfaction of not having been left behind in the “ 5 Best” race. After all, many of your peers have been writing since the beginning of the year. Monica Halan gave ‘Five Best Investment Ideas’. I am sure the ‘Usurper’ gave ‘5 Best Non-Veg Recipes’ But I wouldn’t know because I stopped reading Samar Harlankar’s columns (both in Mint as well as HT) ever since Cubiclenama became fortnightly. I even thought that, perhaps you follow the Samwat year and your ‘5 Best’ would appear in Oct./Nov. but that is quite a few months away. Or do you follow Govt. of India’s Fiscal Year? If so, the time is just right. Here are 3 Best Business Ideas. You figure out the remaining 2 (after all you will get paid for this piece, if you were to include it in Cubiclenana!!)
1. Airline baggage Tags:
Have you ever noticed that a large number of passengers traveling by trains do not bother to remove airlines’ baggage tags from bags used in their earlier air travels? Ride any AC Chair Car and take a look at the long overhead baggage rack lined with suitcases and you will know what I mean. In fact, leaving the cabin baggage tag on seems to have become a fashion. I was amazed when a couple of weeks ago, on a Sunday evening at the food court of Inorbit Mall, I was patiently waiting for the queue to inch forward and noticed a not-so-young women in front of me carrying a large shoulder bag. My eyes fell on the baggage tag tied to the strap. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help notice that the tag was dated 28th Dec. 2010 – over 2 month old!!!. And, that gave me the idea. A bright young MBA from the class of 2011 can start a printing unit and print fake airlines baggage tags and sell these at railway stations. Have marketing arrangements with the Tea Trolleys at the railway platforms, A.H Whealer (or whoever is the new Avatar), and convenience stores located at the railway station/platform. Sell these at Rs. 10 each to passengers traveling by trains in big cities and one will make tons of money.
Investment: Rs. 2 Lacs (approx.)
Pay-Back period: 3 months
2. Financial Analyst:
With the electronic media spreading its reach to every town & village in India, more and more business channels are being introduced every few months. Already there are 6 not counting the regional business channels. And, just look at the quality of the analysts hired by these pan-India channels. In one word – appalling. But, they are being lapped-up by rivals at unbelievable fees. When ET NOW started last year, they are reported to have hired a few analysts from a rival channel at a fee 6 times the amount they were getting earlier. One of them (from Delhi) likes to sport a scarf through out the year, even when Delhi is sizzling under 45C. Every morning he suggests a few stocks for purchase and sale. You don’t have to be an avid follower to gather that those he suggests for purchase have risen the previous day and those recommended for sale have fallen the previous day. Cool. There is another who is a regular on another channel (I call him the “Airport” because his head is as clean as an airport!!). He is only worried about the “Structure” of the share- which is either strong or week. Alternatively, the “Structure” is strong or week. Thus, every 1st, 3rd, 5th and so on stock, the structure would be strong and every 2nd, 4th, 6th and so on stock, the structure would be week. Business channels would be willing to hire an MBA from class of 2011 who can roll out the Equity jargon, go through the morning papers and reproduce the previous day’s movements with a little twist of words here and there.
Investment: None
Pay-Back period: N.A.
3. Professional Informer:
A fresh MBA looking for an exciting career with a chance to become a politician in a few decades can become a PI (that’s a nice abbreviation, No! One that could be confused with Police Inspector. We Indians love using abbreviations – TA/DA, TDS, ATKT, SMS, Defcol – for Defense Colony and Dar for Darya Ganj and hundreds of others to confuse an outsider). Apart from 5 metros and 6 tier-II cities, there are at least 20 other large cities each with population of a million. An MBA can start filing RTI applications on issues of public concerns in one of these. Filing an RTI application costs little money. A PI can claim this as Tax Deductible on the ground of being a Business Expenditure. Gather official information and sell these to MPs/MLAs of opposition parties at a price. It is as simple as that. And, will give one a chance to network with politicians to join them sooner or later. Imagine. What other profession brings you more money than politics?
Investment: A few hundred Rupees a month.
Pay-Back period: No limit
While Sidin advocates developing an amnesia for Pink Floyd, my experience says you will not have to try too hard. The evolution of life post MBA will see you juggling with so many kinds of music (some by choice, others by force) that you will be left confused as to whether the fading memories of “Comfortably numb” is a thing to worry about or just life moving on. My guess is you will feel the latter. Depending on the kind of place you work at and consequently the kind of people you hang around with, you will listen to Jazz, Bhangra, Jagjit Singh, Bollywood music, Sufi Rock, Buddha Bar etc in good measure. The equation will get further complicated once you tie the knot. Heck, on some days you will even look for places that don’t play Pink Floyd because you do not want to keep getting reminded of your college days when you were at crossroads, deciding whether to become a photographer or Chief Strategist
Rolling up sleeves and loosening up the tie during an interview is easier said than done. Moreover chances are the if you are sitting in a B-school recruitment week, it is the culmination of a typical risk averse Indian student’s life and you ain’t going to become a different individual all of a sudden. Maybe few years later. Not just yet. Further, you may think you belong to the “move over old man, this is my time” generation, but the interviewers are most likely coming from somewhere else. Unless they are specifically looking for someone of that kind.
Brilliant read.. though i read it late. Thanks to Harish and Sidin for both the pieces. Couldnt agree more
This is good stuff Sidin/Harish. Little too late I should say. Two interviewers gave me feedback that I did not display enough passion in the interview.
Thanks.
Am curious to knw -You posted this coz he is a CEO ? or did you actually find it intellectually stimulating and worthy enough to be put up here?