Last Friday’s Cubiclenama piece has been well received. So much so that it has given the nation strength at a time when it is ravaged by rife corruption, nadirs of public virtue and plumbing displays of power-play batting.
Unfortunately the version you read in the paper was the bastard child of two versions of the piece: the first one I had written before the missus had a chance to quality control, and the final one after. But something got lost in email transmission. So not everything is in the right place. For instance there shouldn’t be two references to shaving. And there are some lines missing, which jar.
This is what the final version should have read like.
P.S. Now I know you’re thinking that this is a complete cop-out and I am merely doing this to update the blog without actually putting in any effort into writing an original post. You are thinking very correctly.
P.P.S. I might start an email newsletter.
P.P.P.S. I want to drop everything and write a crime novel.
***
Ladies and gentleman of the MBA class of 2011,
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, a good USB memory stick would be it. The long term benefits of a USB stick has been proved by the number of times people lose laptops, or are suddenly asked to submit resumes on a plane or at a conference. The rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering work experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy your last few days in business school. Chances are that you’ve already cynically dismissed the whole bloody place. But trust me, in 5 years you’ll attend an alumni reunion and realize that business school was perhaps the last place you were both truly intellectually challenged and emotionally excited. Both those things will happen again. But rarely together.
You are not as smart, or stupid, as you think.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to make investments based on research reports that will, one day, be written by that same clueless idiot sitting next to you in the canteen right now. The real troubles in your life will never be solved by a presentation or spreadsheet, and will always involve other people. And people are unpredictable sons of bitches.
Spend a little time everyday doing nothing.
Listen.
Don’t expect organizations to be as committed to you as you are to them. Organizations don’t work that way. If you do find one that is as committed, never leave.
Jog. (Or walk briskly, or cycle, or do yoga.)
Don’t judge yourself by how much money you make. Someone you know is always making more than you. (And no good comes from knowing who this is.)
Record all the feedback you ever get in your career. Especially the inaccurate, pointless, biased and vague bits that drove you nuts. This will help you when you eventually give feedback to somebody yourself.
Keep a copy of all your old resumes. When you are struck by bouts of existential crisis, flip through them in chronological order. Do the same with resignation letters.
Decide.
Not a lot of people are ‘meant’ to do something or the other. They just say that to sell bad books. Salman Rushdie might make an excellent, and content, supply chain management consultant. Who knows? You will find various amounts of meaning and satisfaction in various things. Choose your compromises wisely.
You’ll like the job a little better if you like the dress code.
Take chances when you’re young, single and don’t have loans to repay. You’ll take larger chances. Large chances are more fun than small ones.
Be nice to people for the heck of it.
Maybe you’ll retire when you’re 45, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll get an Awesome Alumnus Award, maybe you won’t, maybe you will marry your school sweetheart, maybe you won’t. Whatever happens, do not forget those probability lessons they taught you in school. Things tend to even out.
Dance. But keep it classy.
Avoid reading business books. However feel free to write them.
Travel light.
You will most certainly face difficult choices. In most cases it helps to think of what choice maximizes gain, instead of agonizing over what minimizes loss.
Invest in a good suit, pair of shoes and get a shave. Thanks to society’s shallowness, your return on investment will be considerable.
Calm down.
Let people give you advice. Develop the art of looking interested even if you are not. Pay attention to advice from people who have a stake in your happiness, and not a stake in your success.
Please stop listening to Pink Floyd.
But forget everything else. Quickly go buy that USB stick.
Best of luck.
***
If you have questions, thoughts, musings and such like leave a comment. Discussing things might further help a lot more people.
With due credit to Baz Luhrmann and ‘everybody..sunscreen’ 🙂
lol
i wanted to write something profound or witty(preferably both)but i had a very weird named pill in the morning to counter the holi-bhang induced hangover hence…..
ermm….on second thought all pills have weird names…i cant recall a single pleasant or imaginative nomenclature of a drug(the prescription types that is)…
makes more sence than the print version or was it my hangover?
HI Sidin , I am graduating as an engineer in a few months and have been placed in a decent design company. How is the experience after a engg college different from that after an mba school?? I mean regarding the corporate behavior, the cultural difference (and may be shock) one might experience.
And a very helpful post. Thanks ..
awww….so cute. you dish out gyaan like a true MBA know-it-all!
Classic! Love it!
Sunscreen inspired!! eh??
Too good dude!!
hahah super
Haha! This post reminds of that Baz Luhrmann song – Sunscreen
I believe this was a take-off on that very song…
The part that i like best about your writing is that you have an uncanny ability to connect with your audience. Super article, mate!
May you always be surrounded by wise and loving people.
A regular follower.
Dear Sidin
Frankly, I wasn’t quite impressed with today’s Cubiclenama. Instead of the usual advice to the class of 2011, you should have given them some career ideas. You know, something like “5 Best Business Ideas For The Class of 2011”. This would also have given you the satisfaction of not having been left behind in the “ 5 Best” race. After all, many of your peers have been writing since the beginning of the year. Monica Halan gave ‘Five Best Investment Ideas’. I am sure the ‘Usurper’ gave ‘5 Best Non-Veg Recipes’ But I wouldn’t know because I stopped reading Samar Harlankar’s columns (both in Mint as well as HT) ever since Cubiclenama became fortnightly. I even thought that, perhaps you follow the Samwat year and your ‘5 Best’ would appear in Oct./Nov. but that is quite a few months away. Or do you follow Govt. of India’s Fiscal Year? If so, the time is just right. Here are 3 Best Business Ideas. You figure out the remaining 2 (after all you will get paid for this piece, if you were to include it in Cubiclenana!!)
1. Airline baggage Tags:
Have you ever noticed that a large number of passengers traveling by trains do not bother to remove airlines’ baggage tags from bags used in their earlier air travels? Ride any AC Chair Car and take a look at the long overhead baggage rack lined with suitcases and you will know what I mean. In fact, leaving the cabin baggage tag on seems to have become a fashion. I was amazed when a couple of weeks ago, on a Sunday evening at the food court of Inorbit Mall, I was patiently waiting for the queue to inch forward and noticed a not-so-young women in front of me carrying a large shoulder bag. My eyes fell on the baggage tag tied to the strap. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help notice that the tag was dated 28th Dec. 2010 – over 2 month old!!!. And, that gave me the idea. A bright young MBA from the class of 2011 can start a printing unit and print fake airlines baggage tags and sell these at railway stations. Have marketing arrangements with the Tea Trolleys at the railway platforms, A.H Whealer (or whoever is the new Avatar), and convenience stores located at the railway station/platform. Sell these at Rs. 10 each to passengers traveling by trains in big cities and one will make tons of money.
Investment: Rs. 2 Lacs (approx.)
Pay-Back period: 3 months
2. Financial Analyst:
With the electronic media spreading its reach to every town & village in India, more and more business channels are being introduced every few months. Already there are 6 not counting the regional business channels. And, just look at the quality of the analysts hired by these pan-India channels. In one word – appalling. But, they are being lapped-up by rivals at unbelievable fees. When ET NOW started last year, they are reported to have hired a few analysts from a rival channel at a fee 6 times the amount they were getting earlier. One of them (from Delhi) likes to sport a scarf through out the year, even when Delhi is sizzling under 45C. Every morning he suggests a few stocks for purchase and sale. You don’t have to be an avid follower to gather that those he suggests for purchase have risen the previous day and those recommended for sale have fallen the previous day. Cool. There is another who is a regular on another channel (I call him the “Airport” because his head is as clean as an airport!!). He is only worried about the “Structure” of the share- which is either strong or week. Alternatively, the “Structure” is strong or week. Thus, every 1st, 3rd, 5th and so on stock, the structure would be strong and every 2nd, 4th, 6th and so on stock, the structure would be week. Business channels would be willing to hire an MBA from class of 2011 who can roll out the Equity jargon, go through the morning papers and reproduce the previous day’s movements with a little twist of words here and there.
Investment: None
Pay-Back period: N.A.
3. Professional Informer:
A fresh MBA looking for an exciting career with a chance to become a politician in a few decades can become a PI (that’s a nice abbreviation, No! One that could be confused with Police Inspector. We Indians love using abbreviations – TA/DA, TDS, ATKT, SMS, Defcol – for Defense Colony and Dar for Darya Ganj and hundreds of others to confuse an outsider). Apart from 5 metros and 6 tier-II cities, there are at least 20 other large cities each with population of a million. An MBA can start filing RTI applications on issues of public concerns in one of these. Filing an RTI application costs little money. A PI can claim this as Tax Deductible on the ground of being a Business Expenditure. Gather official information and sell these to MPs/MLAs of opposition parties at a price. It is as simple as that. And, will give one a chance to network with politicians to join them sooner or later. Imagine. What other profession brings you more money than politics?
Investment: A few hundred Rupees a month.
Pay-Back period: No limit
Do let me know if you like the above ideas.
Chander, you ignorant Bandar. Keep shut and sit ghar ke andar.
Tere ideas are super cool. Only if the reader is a complete Fool.
Do you think you are extremely chaloo? I can assure you, they are as good as a half baked aaloo.
Chander, you ignoramus bander, keep shut and sit tight ghar ke andar!
Addendum: When a Rs. 22 Lac Cricket trophy can be fake why not fake airline cabin baggage tags!!!
“Please stop listening to Pink Floyd.” Mahahahaha. That is so true. Why? Why do most MBAs listen only to Pink Floyd??? Personally, I blame the vast numbers of engineering children who go to business school for that trend.
Well done. A bit like the “Always wear sunscreen” graduation speech. Love it.
The crime novel is a good idea. DO IT NOW.
The blog/article like most Bollywood films is ‘inspired’ – the structure and overall theme. But the article is Indianised & MBA-ised. However everything is fully forgotten when I read this line:
“perhaps the last place you were both truly intellectually challenged and emotionally excited”
Good observation!
Awesomely super post. Especially for someone who has graduated in one of the worst ass-whooped batches – The sub-prime batch. This will give me motivation and whenever I come across a situation which makes me wants to quit my job, write a book, this will help me calm down.
Sidin! Lifted the format off of Bazz Luhrman’s Sunscreen song! Wotha Plagiarism I say! 😛
Baz luhrman inspired you much?? or is it Mary Schmich??
KM
Nice article Sidin, 3 months ago I wouldnt have agreed with you. But 2 weeks in the office can do a lot of things to a MBA grad
Tell me more. This might make interesting reading.
i’m so glad this post was gender neutral. Especially the line on getting the new suit, shoes and a shave. So rainbow!
This is frighteningly similar to something I read about sunscreens. An adaptation, perhaps?!
Great Article Sidin! Its only now that I discovered your work and the blog, but must say that you have a distinguished ability to connect with your readers! Wish you all the best ! Cheers!
Thanks Charu. Do keep reading.