So our building here has a restricted access system that only lets delivery folk in if someone inside unlocks the door for them. There is this video phone access system to do this. As your favourite blogger cum author cum tweeter is usually the only guy in the building during the day, I end up letting in a lot of delivery, courier, flyer, post man type people all the time.
And occasionally they leave deliveries with me in case the recipient is at work or in a pub. In the evening the recipients come back, see a note in their mailbox, and then come over to pick things up. It is a nice arrangement. And it doesn’t bother me at all. It is nice to have the occasional human contact when you spend all day in front of a faceless machine. (Albeit the machine is a Mac.)
So earlier this morning a man came and dropped a Kenwood food processor. “Please give it to the people in 12,” he said. “Of course machaan,” I said. “Don’t make me stab you innit,” he said.
It was a hoot really.
And then a few minutes ago, five or maybe seven, there was a knock on the door. I sprinted, opened the door and reached for the food processor. (There is now a space in the hall, next to the door, for these deliveries.)
Outside the door was a rather well-dressed, well made up, tall, slim British-ish woman in a comely lavender dress. There was no doubt at all that she was preparing to go for some kind of high society event. Comprehensive eye make-up was spotted. I am no expert, but I think it was a one-shoulder floor-length dress with a slanted empire waist. Classy indeed.
“There you go,” I said, handing over the food processor. I was using small words because I was holding my stomach in.
We both said thanks and then I turned around to close the door. When she asked me if I could help for a second.
“O… K…” I said struggling due to lack of oxygen.
I am not making the rest up.
She placed the food processor on the floor, lifted up her right arm and then said:
“Can you zip me up please. I think it is stuck.” She looked tremendously embarassed.
But my embarrassment made her embarrassment look like an amateur weekend embarrassment who practised being embarrassed only for occasional office embarrassment tournaments.
And so it was. A tiny zipper was stuck halfway between her waist and her under-arm, leaving a few inches of her dress open on the side. I sheepishly pulled up the zipper a couple of times. Nothing happened. And then I held the dress and she pulled the zipper. Nothing. Then I pulled down on the zipper in order to do the old “rezip with momentum” trick. Which is when I realised that the zipper went all the way down.
“Oh I am so sorry…” I said when I realised I’d just made her dress gape open even more.
“That is ok,” she said unconvincingly.
We kept at it for another ten minutes. Without any luck. The bloody thing would run smoothly till a point and then crunch to a stop.
Eventually we realized that our relationship was going nowhere.
“Maybe I should go find a woman to help me…” she said, opening a whole new can of mental worms.
“I am sorry I am so bad at this…” I said.
And then we parted on amicable terms. She picked up the food processor and left, clutching her dress shut between her arm and the side of her body.
I closed the door and collapsed into the hallway gasping for air.
Moral of the story: Journalism might look like a pointless, underpaid career. But good things happen to those wait.
Gasp. The temptations… Too much, man.
No No. There was no temptation at all whatsoever. I am not like that.
Me too breathing heavily now! OOmmhhh :). BTW, how did you manage to hold your paunch for 10 minutes??!!
Years of praise in business school. That is how I got married man.
hahaha…. indeed.
“Maybe I should go find a woman to help me…” she said, opening a whole new can of mental worms”-PRICELESS!!!
I’m still waiting for things like these to happen to me. I used to do reviews for a newspaper once and I work from home now. Surely that counts.
DUDE!
What did the missus SAY? Im actually scared for you dummy 🙂
All well. Peaceful.
I am proud of you.
Today we are all freelance writers.
Wait, what is the huge noise that I hear across the pond ? Oh yes, dude gets whacked out by the missus for opening a can of mental worms 😉
Shyam
I am human. These things happen.
Your twitter handle has disappeared. wife discovered the real story eh?
Yes I have.
You apologised politely instead of remotely activating hidden camera? Fraud Mallu!
(Dey. Editing video to enhance thighs. Shortly.)
Im still confused- what good thing did you get?? Enlightenment that your zipper skills are poor??..;)
To my wife I am the perfect man.
Paavam her.:P
Bad Boy ! bad boy!! watchu gonna do ! watchu gonna do when she comes for you!!
hahaha …. I just hope that the MISSUS bought this version of the story ! 😛
So far. So good.
i have been opening cans of golden syrup all day…but ur can of mental worms sounds delish! 😉
Kishi. You don’t trust me. I know.
HILARIOUS Read!
Thanks.
🙂 Honesty boss.
Second can of mental worms…
I must practice fake journalism for real opportunities and also I must rust my rezip with momentum technique. It won’t get me “anywhere.”
Sidin – I salute your honesty in writing this for all the world & your wife to read. :)) Hilarious!
But I am seriously wondering next time you get into a raging argument she may just fling back a “oh well, atleast I didn’t attempt to undress a total stranger!!” in readiness , you may want to have a response ready.
Sidin – Did you look to your left/right after you unzipped the woman’s dress and made it ‘gape wide open’, you know the way ‘Tom’ would do after hitting ‘Spikes’ and try to tip-toe away. 🙂 Good read
hehehehehe…funny!
Lol! So when is the next rendezvous with the lady from 12? 😉
LoL…..seriously funny & :-O
Very funny indeed!!
Good things come to those who wait. Guinness!
I am interested to know your missus’s reaction on this one 😉
5-7 minutes after the incident and you are thinking of a blog post?You need to set your priorities straight 🙂
It hardly takes 4 minutes… including washing the hand that did it.
LOL!!!!
Sidin “Abhimanyu” Vadukut. Usey unzip karna to aata thha magar zip karna nahi….. But do you realize that she won’t be your repeat customer anymore ? If only you were successful in zipping her up, you would have got to deliver more “food processors” down the line…Tch..Tch.. btw.. why dont’ such things happen when a person is single…desperate and less paunchy !
Its my favorite exhibitionist fantasy to do that to my neighbor once. Did you consider that she was pretending to be stuck just to tease you?
Very nice and informative article.Great Work!!!
Making Life Better
http://www.mygrahak.com/blog/
what makes you believe that you are a journalist? 🙂 There is a subtle but important difference between a columnist and a journalist.. tsk tsk.. sitting around and coming up with wild stories for the blog .. hardly the work of a journalist 🙂
This is very good passive-agression. The smileys were uncalled for though.
Good comeback. Some of us take our responsibilities of being the Vadukut conscience keeper seriously 🙂 The smileys, like bikinis, as always hide more than they reveal
But Sidinmon did the food processor belong to her? Maybe she’d just rung your doorbell to employ your zipper-upper abilities–and you gave here another neightbour’s f processor?
ROTFL
I am sure she was not in for Zipping exercise.
ROFL! I’m sure you are waiting for another food processor delivery. Some practice of zipping and unzipping might help. try out…u might just get lucky next time 😀
Funny. Very funny. What’s bound to be funnier is what your missus thinks about this. Keep us posted, eh?
HiCongratulations! The Directory of Best Indian Blogs is out and your nice blog figures in that. We thought, let’s announce that to you.
Since all blogs do not have emails clearly mentioned, we have taken the liberty of telling you of this by making a comment on your latest blogpost. Hope, you don’t mind it.
Happy blogging!
ITB team
Good to see that you have allowed viewing of the entire post in readers. It will surely help get lazy readers like me back!
I like reading this especially when I’m at work…Helps me take my mind off work…oops 😛
Half time results : London 10 Dwarka 0
Whatay read ! 🙂
“But my embarrassment made her embarrassment look like an amateur weekend embarrassment who practised being embarrassed only for occasional office embarrassment tournaments.” 😀 Whaaatay…
Really Good Post I like this post .
thanks
Loan Emi Checker
Ha ha ha ha ha! Hilarious!
very interesting. You must be considered a harmless “nice” guy to get a request like that. 🙂
Cummon, Mr. Vadukut! Post something! It has been a month and… and… Sreesanth has also taken wickets.
Too bad she’ll never come back (because you failed) 🙂
Every guys wild dream…comes true for you!!!too bad ending was anything like d dream!!!;)
hahahaha… this is hilarious!!! loved it!!!
ya… loved it man…. useful collection…http://tagoremedicalcollegeandhospital.com
Just read this – 😀
Bonjour Sunny,
That was a good story, kind of “in the midst of life”. Afterwards I had a look at those numerous comments and realized that most people left a quarter of a line. They like and pass on.
Georg
How come I knew this a long time ago… You aren’t repeating your posts are you?
“But my embarrassment made her embarrassment look like an amateur weekend embarrassment who practised being embarrassed only for occasional
office embarrassment tournaments.”
Damn!! That’s some awesomeness you’ve got there!! Love that line!! OH! and the post as well!!
dork.whatay.com not working?
heheh..good things happen to people who wait and ‘act’ my friend .. good one …ur book was one of the funniest i have read in a long…err sometime ..keep up the good work..cheers
abeyaar u r so much famous blogger..y not writing for so much long time.. long time no see only.. im delhi boy and i write reply to madrasan girl’s open letter to me
http://delhiboyonly.blogspot.com/2011/09/open-letter-to-delhi-boy-by-madrasan.html
That was a good story, kind of “in the midst of life”. Afterwards I had a look at those numerous comments and realized that most people left a
quarter of a line. just read this.
http://www.technobuilders.in
A good work of fiction. Maybe you could’ve written a short story with unfamiliar characters.
nice….got me glued there …beautifully presented.i liked it.
lol… good read.. good work Sidin 🙂
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I could not understand, could you explain with the help of an image. That zip thing.
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After a long time,i read such a long post.You write really well and please keep it up.
very nice anecdote
plzz keep writing such short stories,and keep entertaining us
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Nice one. Thank you for the information.
Weighting for good things has been overused da… Move on Siddin 🙂
Nice post though …
AlphaMallu
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Don’t know if this is a true incident or not but the art of storytelling is amazing!
Good blog!If you’re interested, I have a very humorous blog about surviving in the modern office (i.e. how to cope with office banter, how to survive the office party, etc).
You can see it at willthurmann.blogspot.com
Will T.
look i have been following you since long (at least when you wrote Dork)… it seams you quality of writing going down …or you may be too busy … well in any case i like “God save the Dork ” a lot …gr8 job
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