Ugh…

by sidin in ,


There is nothing that can knock the wind out of your literary sails like a "not as good as usual" comment. Or after everything someone leaves the comment "can do better". Ugh. Thats an unbearable one.

So I do all I can to serve you the best most wholesome bits of written nonsense daily.

I have a friend here. I send her a copy of whatever I write as soon as I am done and ask her to tell me whether she likes it. (We have an internal instant messaging thing. Sometimes I think it is a little too instant for my liking...) Then I wait with bated breath till she replies with her feedback. Intense moments of tension. It takes the better part of a couple of hours to polish off a post. And all it takes for her is one word to put it all in disarray.

If she says "good" I know I am done for. That means its as funny as genital warts and needs a makeover immediately. I run away for introspection.

However if I get a smiley in return its paydirt time!!! It has tickled all the right spots. I know this one is going to be at least a ten-commenter.

The next question I always is if should I post it. The responses can mean many things:

1. "your wish": Warning warning, refrain from publication. Will cause drastic loss of fan following.

2. "if it is ready": Hmm... post is good in spirit... but sucks over all...

3. "post it": Hit counter will keep turning but no book deal in sight yet...

4. "yeah yeah": Magnum Opus. Staggering genius. Post it.

And I take whatever she says very seriously. If I post one thing without her approval rest assured the comments will be as cheerful as an overnight vigil. So if you ever think one of the posts is a little icky... well its cos I didn't listen to her...

Talking of overnight vigils. We're having our first all night dance party today. Loud music, many dancing people, extreme socializing. I do my bit to level the floor too whenever theres ones happening. Though I do have my cribs about some of the dance moves the public is expected to do.

Now I can do the arms in the air punjabi thing, and the sliding around with elbows stuck to side of body funk thing. But what really irks me is anything which involves moving up and down at the knees. You know that bending backwards, or that cossack type crouching up and down thing. Those I refuse to do whatsoever. Its not that I cant do them. No I can. No seriously I can. But not completely. I can wiggle and shake myself down till my tush is almost on the floor. Then I have a slight problem... I cant come back up again. My knees just can't pull the rest of me up again. I try very hard... I grunt and pump and try to throw my arms in the air for leverage. (And make it look like some weird punju house fusion dance thing...) But nothing happens. So I give up.

"Moments before left foot of man on right makes curdrice out of the left man's privates. Chilld looks on in anticipation."

Its particularly irksome when your dancing with someone (I will not go so far as to say girl or woman. While I may make up facts and distort truth, I will not lie about getting a woman to dance with at IIMA. That remains a thing I hear about but have never seen. Like God. Or women who say "I like a man who can make me laugh" and mean it.) No last year there was a senior guy. We used to do swing a mean leg on weekends. Suddenly half way through the routine he'd start that ridiculous sit down and get up thing. I would just stand there. Waiting for him to be done with that part and then pick up from when he was back to his full length. Was most self-esteem depleting.

Anyone catch the Sweden Italy match yesterday? Italy was without Totti who was suspended for spitting. (In cricket they lick it, spit on it and rub it on their groins and then throw it at someone. But its cool and gentlemanly.) Well the moment of the match was when this happened:

No that is not a life-sized soft toy. That is a normal human being. Yes he can bend that much. Yes he can see the bottom of his foot. And yes he did a score goal.

These are the guys who give us part-time footer players a bad name. These are also the sort of guys who're just dying to go to a disco and listen to some loud music. So then they can promptly do that ridiculous sit down and stand up thing. While we fat funny people stand around making women laugh for nothing. Dammit.

Okay now if only she would read this and approve this post... Fingers crossed...