Tech-NO!
Close friends (Pastrami basically, and that fellow who sells dabeli outside Wadala station) know that this author has been harbouring a subtle fondness for the ASUS eee PC for some time now. Ever since the laptop made it’s appearance on tech blogs all over the world and took the 2007 Christmas gifting season by storm I have secretly collected images of it, read reviews, bookmarked blog posts and pretty much devoured anything with three e’s in it in close mutual proximity.
Did I say subtle fondness? Sorry. What I actually meant to say was: I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OBSESSED BY IT. (In school comedy circles some smart ass would now say “Accha! You love it so much? Then go marry it. Ha ha ha!” SLAP.)
Not since Cadbury’s Ulta Perk have I wanted to possess something new so badly. (And that one almost pushed me to therapy. “Wafer outside! Chocolate inside!” it seems. Fools.)
However no amount of compact computing power, flash based hard drives and inherent minimalist cuteness will let me own one. That is because in-between the ASUS eee PC and yours truly stands a force that is immovable, inflexible and utterly asympathetic: (cue: drum roll, theremin music, that 300 Spartan fellow screaming in the distance)
THE MISSUS! or even more accurately: THE NE-MISSUS.
Left to the missus the whole world would have one computer per family, one operating system (Windows Vista), one model mobile phone: Samsung slider, one gaming console with EVERY Mario game ever made and absolutely no chance of a portable gaming thingie like the PSP. All those things would be redundant, uncalled for and “phaltu bakwaas”.
This is because the missus does not believe in “wasting money” on any gadget or gizmo that, in anyway whatsoever, is redundant.
USB Mouse? Not till the touchpad is broken.
FIFA 2008? Have they changed the rules since launching your FIFA 2007? No? Maybe when they introduce an additional ball or something. No, “golden goal rule” is not good enough.
Nothing whatsoever is permitted at home which has a name beginning with a lower case “i”.
So much so that I have been driven down the tawdry path of cheat code entry and god-mode playing in order to finish my PS2 games and facilitate purchase of new ones. After months of tireless effort currently our home languishes with just three laptops (one in working condition), a home theatre, a PS2, two USB pen drives, a portable DVD player, a digicam, a handicam and wireless router in a 2BHK that is routinely hacked by the neighbours.
The only real gadget luxury allowed at home is the missus’ very own Sony Vaio in Pink. This is currently the pride of the household and no similar computing device may be purchased till “Her Pink Vaio”, as it is to be called at all times, is defective beyond repair. This has unfortunately led to the eeePC moratorium.
(”Pink Vaio” is beyond reproach, criticism or censure. A brief debate occured at the time of purchasing the said item from Vijay Sales in Worli, mainly revolving around product colour. This quickly concluded in a comprehensive review of my security as a male and inadequacy thereof.)
For many days and nights I thought this gizmo aversion was a foible unique to the missus. That is till I dropped in at the Croma at Juhu with the Missus, Pastrami and Pastrami’s first cousin (on the father’s side) this weekend. The Croma at Juhu is the most complete gadget store I know in Mumbai. It may not have the esoteric, “sourced from secret Shanghai market” quality of Heera Panna merchandise. But the store is large, roomy, filled to the brim with tech and use thankfully few plastic-sticker-aluminium-foil cellphone mockups.
On the contrary, most things are nice, shiny and in satisfying shades of grey, black and other such techie tints.
We were early for our movie at PVR and had dropped in for a few moments of harmless browsing. I immediately ran to the eeePC on display and began to type and use it with elan to show the missus how easily the both of us (eeePC, me) melded together as if one entity. As if meant for each other.
Sidin: See dear how, despite the keyboard being so “uselessly small” according to you, I am able to type something long and complicated so easily without errors
Sidin: *type type type*
eeePC: Sidih Subby Badulur
Missus: Verbatim is the word.
Sidin: *sheepish grin*
But then as I walked around the store checking out computers, computer speakers, universal remote controls (sigh), and gaming consoles I noticed something that quickly turned out to be a trend:
Guys trying to prove to their wives/girlfriends/significant-others why they need to buy tech stuff, and pathetically failing in the attempt.
All around the store young men, gizmo greed glimmering in their eyes, tried to nonchalantly hustle their partners next to devices they fancied. They then extolled virtues of the device only to have the women beat their reasoning into pulp each time.
Here are some edited excerpts from overheard conversations:
- Conversation 1
Hopeful Young Man 1: Wow. A phone with a 6 megapixel camera. Darling look how…
Ne-missus 1: That’s four megapixels less than our digital camera.
HYM1: But we can carry this thing anywhere! Imagine the mobility!
N1: I am carrying the digicam in my handbag right now.
- Conversation 2
HYM2: Brilliant! A 500GB hard drive with media output to TV. Imagine darling I can just directly stream a video file right into our TV without writing CDs or anything.
N2: But you don’t have any video files. Besides when would you watch them?
HYM2: Well I watch DVDs when you go to the gym you know!
N2: Which ones?
HYM2: ….er… WORLD MOVIES! I watch world movies!
N2: Yay! I love world movies! Let’s buy one. We can both sit and watch everyday all cuddled up.
HYM2: LOOK A PINK VAIO THERE!
N2: Where where? *scurry*
HYM2: Phew.
- Conversation 3
HYM3: Sweety!
N3: *suspiciously* Yes?
HYM3: I was thinking maybe it is a good idea to buy a nice 16GB Kingston pendrive so I can always carry my important data with me at all times. Then I never have to call office people to mail me anything if I am working from home. It is a simple solution really.
N3: But you have an office laptop no? That has all the data?
HYM3: Yes of course. But suppose…er… I am in a bus, need to send a client an important presentation with embedded video, and I am not carrying my laptop?
N3: Well then what is the point in having a pendrive?
HYM3: I will… I can… I… will then… !@#$
All these snippets of conversation have opened my eyes. I now see that my missus is not alone in her aversion to gadgetry. It is a universal phenomenon. I feel a little guilty for having seen her in such bad light for so long. It is not her fault at all. Maybe, just maybe, responsible, sensible wives of geeks are wired that way.
How does your wife stifle your techie urges? Stall your circuit cravings? Tell me.
I, in the meantime, will go home, switch on “Her Pink Vaio”, place it by the window and then keep both open all night. Hopefully at some point in the night the rain will short-circuit it. (A non-warranty incident.)
Wish me luck.
P.S. Image courtesy Wikipedia, missus
Simble! Inquire within ASUS abt. the availability of a ‘Pink’ eeePC!
Thanks for enlightening us bachelors abt. the Tech Un-Savvy-ness of the fairer gender….I’ll urge all of our bachelor brethren to buy the droolable pieces of gadgetry before they finalize the nuptials
Nope. Not until the demise of the Vaio can be arranged for first.
[...] the gadget store Croma, Sidin observes an interesting trend. All around the store young men, gizmo greed glimmering in their eyes, tried to nonchalantly hustle [...]
Now , you have successfully managed put me in doubt of whether to get married at all …Damn…I need to get that Apple28 inch desktop quick and not to mention that JVC HD …
A good one after a long time.
“Maybe, just maybe, responsible, sensible wives of geeks are wired that way.”-Loved this line.
You write very well Sidin….This article is really awesome!! I have been through what you describe (and still continue to!!) so I can easily relate to this!!!
Best regards,
Manu
“How does your wife stifle your techie urges? Stall your circuit cravings? Tell me.”
Here is a wife complaining about her husbad ….
My husband won’t even let me buy the new iPhone … he thinks it waste of money :((… All other gadgets (PSP, MacBook Air, Sony Cybershot etc etc) seem a distant dream
GASP!
If I was single I would think that was a total turn on. Of course I have no such feelings now. Except platonic ones of course.
my mum duz that .. so its more like “Maybe, just maybe, responsible, sensible mums of geeks are wired that way.”
Heyy Sid,
Loved the new entry. But I DISAGREE with you that gurls aren’t techies!!! You know that I AM a huge tech geek and so is my BF! So basically we try to outwit / outawe each other with our tech knowledge and our tech skillss.. although money does hamper our spending sprees…
BUt the point isss.. Gurls are geeks too!
I simply love that tiny piece of gadgetry. The white EeePC was love at first sight - no at first knowledge. I waited breathlessly for it to reach India and made my way to Croma - the only place to lodge it then. (And it also fit my purse!) However, since I wanted certain software on it (read my mobile synchronisor) and which the Korea R&D team of Asus said could not run on the EeePC, my final motive to buy it was destroyed. Even the Asus guy from Croma Juhu suggested not buying it :/
You know the problem with single women? They have to weigh the pros and cons of buying an irresistible device by themselves without the alter-ego-husband craving, and them acting as sensible money savers…and sometimes, before marriage its vice versa.
Now I am happy with a PDA - and so I’m ready to wait till the 8GB version is launched in India…definitely more memory than my PDA, no?
Psst - eeePC is a lil cheaper at Big Bazaar. and if you look@ US, pink version is available.
Laptop has been left on near open window and the wire has been extended across floor hoping maid trippage will occur.
Fingers crossed.
Simply hilarious post! :))
Especially the conversations between HYMs and NMs…ha ha ha…
Oh I agree with your Ne-missus - completely - since I’m also one !! There are drawers and drawers of wires, spires and god knows what else of outdated must have gadgetery in my house!! If I sit down to actually calculate the value of this ‘faaltu bakwaas’ my blood does boil
I have one word for you: handbags and shoes! Ha!
is that one word??!!
and you call yourself a techie and geek.. hehe!!
hahaha…one word indeed - and hardly effective on bata chappal loyalists :))
Dude, you should check out the HP Mini Note, as well as the new Vaio TZ (with the flash drive instead of the hard disk).
And as far as the pink Vaio goes, you can pour a jug of water on it at midnight & claim next morning that it rained
By wife has seen this comment. And obtained your residential address. I hope you have lived the little you have, well.
My residential address is a false one dude…it’s rented out to someone i want desperately evicted
Will sms you more ideas, since your blog seems to be overrun by women.
Same story. Sigh. Thankfully the wife sanctioned a BlackBerry this morning. But, there are caveats. So I’m off to look for the best deal. (As I don’t already know. Heh heh heh!)
Girls are geeks.. but girls dont love so many gadgets… Does your wife work for Microsoft by any chance? The aversion the things whose name start with ‘i’ gave me that doubt…
The E-PC is such a waste. Looks cheap almost like a Chinese fake. It neither has good memory nor storage. Cant load your favourite applications for shortage of space.
Good one to gift to your mother in law:)
Must. Not. Lose. Composure. Let. Commenter. Be. Breathe. Deeply. In. Out.
?
Wait for the iPhone to launch this year and buy it the next year, that is the best techie stuff your missus would approve of!
suffer from ne-mistur here. love gadgets. go to croma and wistfully gaze at all the gadgets like a kid outside an ice cream and the husbands drags me away.
sigh.
My wife bought be an X-Box 360 for my happybudday. Nya nya nya nya nya and all that.
Awesome Rohan. I am so happy for you. And I also fervently hope for hard-drive destroying voltage fluctuations wherever you live. Thanks!
You would do that? You would? Huh? Death to the eeee-yuk-peesssy!!!! War!!
Hey, me again (the Punju married to the Gult)
And- the technophobe married to ultra-geek
He’s a PhD in Computer Sciece, so my task is even worse.
The same thing happens in my house too- I hate all the gadgetry (and any i’s are definitely banned)- despite which we have 2 computers, 1 massive server device (Its a huge big black box- thats all I know, which spoils the decor of the house by not fitting anywhere), 2 flatpanel monitors, 2 random hard drives that keep lying around, a laptop and a couple of pen-drives. And yet - I think the iphone is next, though I am managing somehow (by all kinds of reasoning) to keep him off it. (Did I even mention the PS2?)
And guess what his most recent gift to me was- A cute BRIGHT RED portable HARD DRIVE!!!!
(since I was alien to the concept to “back-up”- the idea being that if it is RED, atleast I will use it. I still haven’t)
And now- I soooooooo want the PINK VAIO- had my eyes on a RED Dell for a long time- does VAIO come in red?
Then I can color-coordinate it with my hard drive and cell phone
Yes there is a red Vaio. A very, very red Vaio.
“Then I can color-coordinate it with my hard drive and cell phone”
Oh no.
My mom bought the very very red red Vaio. That’s the only spec she’d understand. (eyes rolling)
And- I forgot to mention the boxes of every kind of wire to connect every kind of device (thankfully, these huge cartons are in the basement storage), a handheld PDA that died about 3 years ago (with all accompanying wires), 2 extra keyboards, a set of stereo speakers that has 5 speakers, 2 headphone sets and web-camera!!
(and his 4 dead cellphones with 4 chargers that he refuses to throw away).
AND- I haven’t even got to the stuff he has in his office.
Tell your wife she’s lucky!!!!!!!!!
Every man here who is married seems to be crying about the same woe. I want to ask one thing, do you guys not earn and your wives do? Do your wives finance your luxuries/necessities?
CONTROL GENTLEMEN! Tamanna knows now what she speaks of. Our father in heaven (Jobs/Knopfler) will judge her when the time comes.
I shall be waiting for that judgment day.
Story of my life, Brother !!
Heehehee, that seems like the story of my life as well.
Not the PCs and Lappies though. Am a huge cell phone buff. Latest feature in, and my old phone seems such a burden. (I love handbags, shoes, dresses, ESTELLE Jewelery et all too
)
And husby dearest, well in his opinion, if it can make and receive calls, its enough… BEAT THAT! Sniff! Must go, find a corner and silently lick my wounds!
And BTW, doesnt your apartment have little kids in vicinity. The younger the better! They can drool saliva all over the key board and the touchpad. Pull off key from the keypad! Chew, nibble at the screen. Missus, if she loves toddlers like all of us women are wired to do, will not mind it in the least and the PINK VAIO is history leading to a new his-story!
Well… they must be paying journos/strugglin authors good money, if they can actually afford to demolish expensive Sony craptops….
Open the Vaio charger box, set the internal switch to max voltage (you’re an engineer, am sure you can figure it out…) and chup-chaap act innocent when the thing starts farting sparks when put on charge….
then fly to Singapore (the great Singapore sale is on now…).. buy 9 eee’s (at 30% discount) and a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label and recoup cost of travel by the selling 8 eee’s… the Johnny Walker is for the customs guy at arrivals….
I went short on the Sensex. Now I am rolling it.
The singapore plan is perfect. Have located a bakra in Hong Kong. Plot is afoot.
Just to make you feel better, the wife has just bought a MacBook Pro for herself.
(Insert evil laugh)
Yes but I still know embarassing things about you Bocha that I can blog about.
Also i have shifted. Meet:-)
Hehe… but hey, what harm in thinking about “wasteful” expenditure?!
I don’t have this problem since both hubby and I agree on techie-things, neither of us are geeks, but whatever we decide to buy is done on a consensus. And wires?! Huh… Mom used to do it before and now… well…. err… maid or hubby
Ha ha ha ha ha. Consensus. Ha ha ha ha.
Con+Sense+Us –> Hubby nods along quietly you mean.
Simple. Pink Vaio ke naam pe supari dene ka
I agree wid the ne-missus…
My Bf also wants whatever new gadget in town…last month he bought a 500GB ext memory and a Sony cybershot, all when I wasnt around…Hmphhh!! And yes we have conversations like the Kingston pen drive. Now he wants a iPhone just after I made him see why ipod is such a utter waste of money!
Men!
What’s wrong with a man wanting an iPhone? *sobs gently*
http://images.tigerdirect.com/SkuImages/gallery/large/A455-7201-f.JPG
Great post - really hilarious!!! And very true. Sometimes rules not restricted to just hardware but movie/game CDs or faster net connections as well (there are so many TV channels that anyway shows those movies types, why buy or download!)
>>Nothing whatsoever is permitted at home which has a name beginning with a lower case “i”.
One tactic - if you have your mind on something that starts with an i, get a lower-priced item starting with the same i for the missus birthday and use that to cajole her to get something a bit more. Trouble is if she says “I am everything for you. What other small i is more valuable that this capital I!?”
Jeeves you have both highlighted opportunity and offered counter-strategy. Really. There is no hope.
My symbadhies.. the day will come when wives will have to answer for all this. if i am lucky, my great grandchildren will live to see that day!
me wife called up lawyer friend (lady!) who confirmed that not a court in the world would take more than a day to make me sign the divorce papers on grounds of techruelty! and, what did i do? buy an E61i (all i’s are banned frm my house too) to replace my stolen e50!! hmmmf
Somehow the ladies seemed to warm to Sony Ericsson’s better. Don’t know why.
hrithik endorses them in India!! yech
my sympathies. being apparently one of the strange women who is actually tech inclined without being a techie, i have to say i’m relieved that someone is finally recognizing the Asus EEEPC on a public forum. i thought i was imagining it for a while! meanwhile also checkout the HP 2133. it is gorgeous!!
There are certain egroups, I believe, dedicated to hunting down women like you and hooking you up with lonely engineer boys. http://www.geekshaadi.com sound like a good idea?
Please, very much needed.
May #GOD show more sympathy towards geeks by producing more of your kind.
PS: Someone follow up saying Amen
boy have I been waiting for that new 80g PS3…. even an additional $100 giftcard from the retailer wouldnt get me the approval…….
sigh….
Ne-missus indeed. Thanks for letting us know of such cruelties, I’ll include some important clauses in my Pre-Nup
…in small font size .
?
But before that I’m hoping to make some of my own money for now…considerin that I have a 1100 that has a completely white keypad owing to incessant texting to all those could be missuses. Aiyya…phone podunga aiyya.
Besides, thou art certain that the gym dvd n “parimala and her son tapes” conversation was over heard
Ha, ha.
Now I know why Google Reader has shown this blog in my recommended feeds ever since I started using it
And, btw, luck!
U started this post with Pastrami….and lost him pretty much by the end of half of the first para ;-).
Were you using him as the lucky charm??
lol…no shaadi thank you…
jeez…I can never understand why guys are so fascinated by chroma..have spent several hrs roaming around chroma and reliance digital with my husband…who is like a child who just found a house made of chocolate!!!!
not too mention our house is quite tech savvy now and I like it that way
It’s like the left being your right! Healthy argument helps you sometimes to realize something you thought you needed was really not needed.
hmm..m nt with the ne-missus trend.. but last time when i was wit my gf, showin off my UNIX-ness on an iMac in an Apple store and tellin her that id buy one so that it would suit all my abstract purposes…she was jus lukin over my hands to some cute lil kids dancin away wit ice creams.. Sheesh!