Sidin’s guide to the greatest Indian cricketers of all time especially that period between 4 and 6 pm last week
After yesterday’s fantastic win against Pakistan there is a new-found optimism in the Indian camp especially with our younger players coming of age and beginning to complement the senior players nicely. When asked of his feelings about the current Indian team Rahul Dravid stated that there was a new-found optimism in the Indian camp especially with our… you get the drift yeah?
So it is but natural that several young Indians of today, drunk with current glory, lose touch with the glittering past of Indian cricket. India has had a history of outstanding cricketers many of whom have been instrumental in the achievement of a large number of cricketing records by countries like Australia, Pakistan, England, Scotland, Vidharbha etc.
This negligence has to stop and the movement to relive our cricketing past starts with this blog right now. So today we celebrate some of the luminaries who have taken Indian cricket to where it is today in the cricketing record books (i.e. in the “vs.” column). This list is by no means exhaustive, authoritative or even authentic, and the author strongly expresses the opinion that you do not try this at home.
List of luminaries with brief biographies, often true. (Part 1)
Ranjit Singhji: One of the first great Indian cricketing heroes. Singhji was “The cricketer formally known as “Prince”". His most famous exploits include obtaining a UK visa and work permit and inventing the Leg Glance, a move whereby when friends’ sisters walks by in a short skirts you make a sweeping cricket shot action imitation thereby looking at their legs but not getting caught. Famously, Ranjit Singhji once fell ill after a mixing some bad milk in his cup of Darjeeling and could only bowl a single over. In spite of this he got 3 wickets through judicious use of line and length. This is immortalized today in the famous “Corridor of Uncertain Tea”. He names lives on to this day in the form of the tournament named after him, the “Coca-Cola Cup”.
Gundappa Viswanath: Widely considered the greatest left-handed batsmen from Andhra with a moustache to play in the 60s, in Indian History. Played several crucial test innings for India, many times pulling India back from the brink of complete disaster, taking them to mere comprehensive defeats. He was a daring, brave batsman who stood fearless in the face of the quickest bowlers, primarily because he was blinded by his moustache. Renowned for his deft footwork, he once, after being bowled for duck, moonwalked all the way back to the pavilion. His first name means “Fat Papa” in Tamil and this ensured constant victory for India against the Sri Lankans who could not bowl at him with a straight face.
Sunil Gavaskar: The first big international Indian cricket star. Scored thousands upon thousands of runs in a career that spanned several millions of balls left outside off-stump. He was affectionately known as Sunny, the Little Master and that little Prick though the first two were rarely used. He was a tireless team player and inspiring captain who often shouldered a lot of the batting burden and most of the match fees single-handedly. Gavaskar was a cricketer who patiently waited for the loose ball and once did so for three whole days in a limited overs match before stadium security politely asked him to leave. Gavaskar became the captain of India in 1982 taking on the mantle from Srinivasaraghavan Venkataraghavan, an accomplished cricketer himself, who retired from cricket in protest after it became mandatory to wear kits with one’s full name on the back.
Ravi Shashtri: Holds the record for maximum sixes hit in one over with 6 against Tilak Raj in Bombay. Shastri would have hit more but little Tilak had maths homework and a Social Studies test the next day and we all know how bad 7th standard CBSE is. Shastri was one of our first great all-rounders and once, in a remarkable game in the 1987 tour of Ooty and Coimbatore, Shastri bowled himself around the legs. Ravi Shastri was the heartthrob of millions of women in the late 80s and early 90s and was considered a great looker. This has now been found to be an error due to primitive TV broadcasting technology. He is now a well-known and respected cricket commentator. Fiercely patriotic, he recently pegged India to win all the one-days in the South African tour of Sri Lanka.
Kapil Dev: Explosive with the ball, dynamic with the bat and ridiculous with the English language, Kapil Dev was the life of many humorous post-match press conferences. Dev often stood alone in the face of adversity and dragged India out of tight spots. His 175 run innings in Tunbridge Wells is a classic and some of his shots continue to orbit the Earth to this day bouncing off space stations and interfering with TV broadcasts (see Ravi Shastri above.) Kapil Dev was also one of the first few cricketers to make it big in the world of advertising and synonymous with the caption: “Boost is the secret of my enema. Our enema. (Smile)” Nowadays he is a successful entrepreneur and often appears on TV when he roots for India from his heart saying: “India needs to play the games with the heart and the tactics is nice if then the whole together comes… err… boost is the secret of my enema…”
Krishnamachari Srikkanth: A dynamic one-day player who pioneered the technique of repeated letters in one’s name for good luck. Srikkanth was an explosive opening batsman who often stepped out of his crease and swung his bat with great gusto only to be stumped down leg side. He holds the record for maximum consecutives world cups without a haircut (4). Kris Srikkanth was the quintessential South Indian in the team who rapidly learned Hindi while playing for India, leading to an average of well over 4 run outs per match in the process. Today Kris is a passionate cricket commentator who can say “Oh shit, sorry” in over 14 north Indian languages.
Venkatesh Prasad: If Akthar is the “Rawalpindi Express” then for many years Venkatesh Prasad, a key part of the bowling attack, was affectionately called “The Slow Bangalore Passenger That Is Currently Broken Down At Palakkad Station. Passengers approach ticket counter for refund please.” Despite several key wickets, Prasad was not a pacey bowler but instead used a bewildering array of slow, slower and slowest balls to vex batsmen. In the 1992 World Cup he bowled a slow one to Wasim Akram that has not reached the batsman to this day. He was a pioneer of the “Intimidation” school of fielding whereby you do not run for the ball but merely try to stop it by looking at it gravely.
Anil Kumble: Named after the Anil Kumble Circle in Bangalore, where he grew up learning to bowl, Kumble continues to be one of the spinning maestros in the country. However he is not a big mover of the ball but instead unleashes a repertoire of balls so complicated even he does not know what he is doing. He holds the record for having captured 10 wickets in a single test innings but honestly cannot explain how. The author has a particular grouse with Mr. Kumble for having released a shitty cricket video game that the author’s brother forced him to buy. The game has graphics reminiscent of a Rohrschach Test and game play marginally more engaging than digging one’s nose. Kumble is frequently a useful all-rounder and was the first Indian to achieve the “supreme” double of 400 wickets taken and 4000 misfields.
Sachin Tendulkar: No one makes fun of Sachin. Not even me.
Sanjay Manrekar: Manjrekar is an exciting top order batsman with an amazing repertoire of shots. If you play him in that stupid Anil Kumble game that is. In real life he was often called a text-book cricketer, in the sense that watching him bat was like reading a macro-economics text book. Sanjay Manjrekar was full of technique and single-handedly developed 2567 ways of padding upto an off-spinner. His moment of glory was during the Ashes Test of 1994 when Imran Khan approached him and accepted defeat as several of the Pakistani players were collapsing from brain inactivity. Manjrekar valiantly declined and went on to score an astounding century in just under a fortnight.
Venkatpathy Raju: With tremendous movement off the pitch especially in windy gusty weather, Venkatpathy Raju is one of the lightest players to have ever played the game. His bowling, on the other hand, was tricky especially because of a complete lack of speed. Raju bowled with such little pace and his ball took so long to come that batsmen often practiced facing him by getting friends and relatives to courier cricket balls overnight to them through local courier companies.
That was the first edition of this special blog series on Indian cricket greats. Hope you enjoyed these brief character profiles and you often burst out, like Azhar, with the words: “Wow!! This I will do for free…” More exciting profiles of Indian cricketing heroes coming soon. Stay tuned.
(p.s. Before anyone gets worked up I know they were all brilliant cricketers and all this is just a joke. Except of course in case of Venkatesh Prasad. So please relax. And dont send hate mail please…)
I just spat out my jaw laughing.
Thats Sidin at his best!! The post was simply humourous.
Awesome post !! U simply rock ! Waiting for the sequel.
Sidin - For President!!!!
Ravi Shastri was the heartthrob of millions of women in the late 80s and early 90s and was considered a great looker. This has now been found to be an error due to primitive TV broadcasting technology.
Spot the missing joke.
I read your blog all the time Sidin… and each time seems funnier than the last!
Today I actually had look away and think about other stuff to stop my self from laughing out loud (I was reading at work)…
So calling this the sex of humour (no pun intended) actually ain’t hyperbole!
Was that “Wagon R” advt inspired by you? I guess, you too have a “Wagon R” and now left a promising job to pursue a career of your interest.
Good one. However, I think Vishwanath was a right-handed batsman and he was from Karnataka.
nope! dont get any of those cricket jokes!
Sachin Tendulkar: No one makes fun of Sachin. Not even me.
????! ?????????????????.
Ahh great post again .
we at DA-IICT are thinking of forming 1st Sidin Fan club
Eagerly waiting for u r arrival
Well, what else can i say after almost staining my brand new shirt with some tea (and went on to drink water to wash the tea down and spilt that too!)…
When reading Sidin’s blog, you better not be sipping anything!
hehehehehe
Awesome post!! But I don’t think you’ve treated Kris “Arre, Charu Bhai, Kya Bolraha ho?” Srikkanth fairly? The man is so much more talented than you’ve made him out to be…
Rollicksomely humourose!
Though u cud have written some thing bout sachin..like that abdomen guard adjusting habit of his!!! lol…
-lechingsaint
ROTFLOL….Awesome post.
Hey Sidin,
Awesome post!! This was probably the only piece on Cricket that I enjoyed!I could never understand cricket:(
wow! what a post! :-)))
really really funny..
if you are a mallu who can read malayalam and do not know about a group of mallu bloggers, please visit some of the blogs here, you MIGHT find it very funny.
http://kodakarapuranams.blogspot.com/
http://arkjagged.blogspot.com/
shit now I know how bad I am at cricketing knowledge ..
coz till I read the comments I thought all that you wrote was true .. or did you write the truth in a funnny way.. or is the lie funny ??? I am confused
I did the mistake. I did it. I was advised not to read it in office and I did it. and I am in my office and laughing like a mad. Too good. waiting for second edition
ROTFL…Amazingly funny…
Brilliant!! Am gettin wierd looks from co-workers..hahaha! Just brilliant!
great post,
especially kapil dev and venkatesh prasad…too good..too good
Gundappa Vishwanath was born in Karnataka.
Excellent post, hats off to you.
Ravi
amazingly funny! laughed my behind off!! waiting for part 2…
Nice post indeed….you could write about Rahul Dravid (probably in the same breadth as Sunil Gavaskar and Sanjay Manjrekar’s)….SERIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE SEQUEL POST!!!
This is MURDER!!! hansa hansa ke maar raha hai …. ricking …. can’t stop laughing now
toooo much!! have been sitting in office and laughing like a fool !!
the answers aren’t ever far… are they… this stopped the laughter: http://gautambastian.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-rope.html
ROTFL!!!! Will remember the heroes from the past in a totally new light…..
excellent work
Sidin: Kinda agree with Vindy there. You have not given mah man Kris He-who-was-once-kissed-by-naked-streaker Srikkanth his due. And I can suggest some more names if you wish for the next edition.
I second the president motion. We all want more…
man! that was hilarious. thanx.
HILARIOUS! Do include Vinod Kambli and Javagal Srinath in the sequel.
Dude! I don’t even watch cricket and I almost peed my pants laughing
Good one.
41
ROTFL
And am surprised you didnt comment on Sanjay Manjrekar’s commentry - about as interesting as Sansad Samachar on an empty stomach
Noodle
hahaha…what a hilarious post! pulling India back from the brink of complete disaster, taking them to mere comprehensive defeats
learned Hindi while playing for India, leading to an average of well over 4 run outs per match in the process
:-))
dude ur blog was suggested by Prof. Handa and have u outdone anything i have read before by miles.. Venkatesh Prasad was too funny -waiting for Part Deux !!!
A gutsy dig and incomparable humor.. btw u did miss on post-retirement Kris with mandira Bedi.
ROTFL!!! Godamned funny man!!
Seriously , I shouldnt have read this in Office
…. It is way too funny .
Sunil
What is Cricket anyway
Really pro level. You should wise-crack for India.
Though IF I may quibble - the standard dropped a little after V. Prasad. Tail-ender syndrome?
Ridiculously funny! You should have no problem earning a living as a writer.
Simply brilliant ! I am down with fever in the office and did not open my mouth much. But while reading this post I could not resist laughing
!
I am at office and thanks to you have started the day in a gr8 way…LOL!!! gr8 post..waiting for the sequel
Mebbe something’s wrong with me but I have been reading your posts regularly (u r an inspiration!) and I like many of the others better.
Seems like you tried really hard on this one.
Peace people!
corridor of uncertain tea - quite priceless!
i think u made a lotta ppl wet their pants in office today, killed them with laughter and the lot.
seriously, was in totally rotten mood til i read this.
part 2. part 2 !
sachin’s juvenile voice?
oh the heavenly irony of it.
come on u can laugh at that.
good job sidin.
iw
you’re killing me man. the prasad paragraph had me laughing my ass off. i’ve linked this entry at a couple of places (hope that’s ok, you’re gonna get a lot of hits).
dude…. u ROCK… amazing..great post… going to be another long lasting ‘forward’ chain of mails..
-Sps
I came to know it was a funny post, when i read about Sachin-”Even i cannot make fun of him”…..lol….otherwise i cud have mistaken it for somebody penning down his nightware……
But it was unfair to Sachin…..
But i m still wondering (bot the post)….wat the hell it was…????
Ho ho ho…dont know when I’ll stop laughing. And you took a topic close to the heart of most of us. Plain hilarious!
Awaiting the next part!
Dude,
More respect to you, nobody should make fun of Sachin.
Awesome post, way to go!
I have a request. Why don’t you extend this cricketer-bashing to include international cricketers as well?
Rameez Raja would be the ideal candidate, who speaks of how dedicated and sharp the Pakistani attack is, when they’re getting hammered all over the place even by teams like Kenya and Bangladesh!
May the forces continue to be with you!
idiyet .. you made me laaf my ass of at 2 in the morning almost waking up people who go to office at 6 am ….
LOL…LOL…One of the best satirical posts in a loooooooong time!!
God-o-god,Sidin,this is damn funny.Laughing all body parts out when you are hungry is the second most pleasurefilled experience after…well.
This one is classic.
Gavaskar became the captain of India in 1982 taking on the mantle from Srinivasaraghavan Venkataraghavan, an accomplished cricketer himself, who retired from cricket in protest after it became mandatory to wear kits with one’s full name on the back.
Except for India’s contribution to records and Venkatesh Prasad the rest was ok. Guess it has become fashion for people to come here and write how hilarious it was just to keep up with the joneses. Otherwise you are an extremely talented writer. Keep it up.
oh my god, i have stomach and back pains from 10 mins of laughing and I can’t do research for a week now…
Way to go, sidin.. way to go
Vekatesh Prasad was no where to be seen 1992 world cup. This is not to say that post was not hilarious!! Damn funny!!
i dont understand wat is so called humourous or hillareous or wat ever MOST BORING ARTICLE I EVER READ. WASTE OF 15 MINUTES
awesome fucking hilarious…and the mark of respect for GOD is appreciated.You are right.Nobody makes fun of Sachin:)
caricature prose at its best. Amazing mix of fact and fiction.
Great work Sidin.
Ahahahaha. This is just too funny. And you were right about the ‘No one makes fun of Sachin’ part. You would have been lynched had you done so.
:))))))))))))))))))))))))
you just made my day !
great one !
you evil evil man. i laughed so much my insides and outsides are hurting
DAMN DAMN funny, this is right up there with the all time greats. Need to get a way to figure on the cricinfo’s media surfer blogs.
No one i mean no one has been more humorous on indian cricket.
Looking forward to Javagal Srinath’s write up
damn couldnt you put up some caricatures of these ‘GREATS’ alongside. would make it all the more hilarious.
Some RK Laxman stuff if available on the net
One of the best piece of hillarious AND original writing I have come across in blogs so far - and that too on cricket!! Just too good, man.
No one makes fun of Sachin.Not even you.Tsk tsk.Off the field anyones shenanigans are fair game.Have a free ferrari,mate.
great post! although i didn’t understand the vishy stuff. Keep the series going, we have a long list of heroes.
P.S: sourav’s absence conspicuous,
not again(or should it be another)!!
awesome post. A big cricket fan myself. totally loved it. Have a few cricket posts myself… though I dont promise to be as entertaining as u are. way to go..already waiting for the sequel… and “no one makes fun of sachin. not even me”.. well said.
awesome post. A big cricket fan myself. totally loved it. Have a few cricket posts myself… though I dont promise to be as entertaining as u are. way to go..already waiting for the sequel… and “no one makes fun of sachin. not even me”.. well said.
Man u shud write jokes for hindi movies. The tapori’s will love ya!
Gundappa Vishwanath is not from Andhra. What ignorance. He has also now settled in Bangalore his hometown from day one. He has married Sunil Gavaskar’s sister.Pl ger your facts right. except this slip Sidin is good humour.
Top effort. Such is the repetoire of the cricketers than most deserve complete profiles and not just 3-4 lines.
On Vishwanath. He was right handed. Either I didnt get a joke or you made a small error. Never mind either way.
And I appreciate your gesture of not making fun of Tendulkar.
Hilarious….looking forward to part 2 of this…
Dude I have quizzes tmrw. But after this I hv gotta read more of your posts….
Sachin Tendulkar: No one makes fun of GOD. No human.
BRILLIANT !!!!!!
Hey Sidin,
Like Wine you get just get better and better with time! I just love your posts. I’m sure I’ll see a novel written by you soon on the book stands (I want to see a sarcastic one full of humour
)
Kalyan
allowing for the fact that this piece is supposed to be a light read. Get some facts right.
Gundappa is NOT from AP.He is from Bangalore. A kannadiga born in Bhadravati in Karnataka.
http://www.cricketfundas.com/gvishwanath.html
And Gundappa is a 100% Kannada name, nothing “Tamil” about it.
Get your facts right.
Red..Intresting stuff!.. Even tho i am so off cric
I hope I dont have to sue you for the ‘gut-fix’ operation I may have to undergo. Truly hilarious,great one !!