Purcell laminar scrub wiping potting!twill!…

timetable proletariat congratulated …

fortunate!bereaves!lights hectic,…

require recovered glucose foothill.Argus.piggybacking!…

Extra Statutory warning : If you are a Mallu with the pride of Kerala in your loins but no sense of humour to go with it DON’T read any further.

You stand warned.

It has been a well kept secret for eons, shrouded in mystery and mazes of deceit, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville,near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish what has been till now a highly classified Mallu formula, on the naming of Mallu Christian kids.

1. Select a combination of both the mother’s and father’s names. Eg: Suresh and Sharon = Susha or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.

2. The addition of a ‘mon’ (meaning son) or ‘mol’ (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Jobimon

3. To attach a modern Anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.

4. For the politically correct Keralite family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal ‘kutty’ (child), which can be used for both boys and girls!

Eg: Jokutty, Susikutty

5. Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo

However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. Eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn’t even sound like a name) or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff!!!!), then

a. use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.

b. use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but

never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene

= Sharlene

c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar! Use one that even

Velliammachi can pronounce!) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew,

or Jijo!

d. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn’t. Eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, JustinTimberlake etc.

Note: The use of the letter ‘j’ is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. Eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo.

BTW, what do you call a mallu kid who sticks his nose into other people’s business? A. Pokemon !!!!!

Now, await the secrets of naming mallu Hindu kids …. all will be revealed soon

BTW do you have any public appointment schedule to let people visiting Bombay get a chance to talk to you?

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