Domain Maximus

“Does the tea taste of aviation fuel sir ?”

This is some stuff I read on the net today. A few issues ago I had written about the Navy plane crashing during an exhibition. Well it has happened again. But what really surprised me was how the news was put out on the web. Check this out:

The aircraft, carrying a pilot and an instructor, crashed over Bhojnarayan Tea Estate at around 0715 IST. It is feared that the crash could have caused extensive damage to the tea garden, though there were no reports of any casualty on the ground.

Talk about twisted priorities. People are worried about the damage to the tea garden. I mean “How can you serve tea with bits of air force pilots in it?” or “I think we should reject this batch, the last one had a lot of thigh bone in it”….. Anyway like I said before, its not like our soldiers need a war to lose their lives. And when something finally happens to them, the bloody tea garden gets all the credit. I hope we don’t blame it on a cross border plot terrorism plot like every other issue in the country. Save the Cauvery issue, it seems we have given all our destructive acumen to the country next door. What next ? The way things are going, we could soon read headlines like:

“Onion prices soar in Rae Bareli. ISI hand suspected…..”

“Wild bull causes thousands of rupees worth of damage in mad rampage through Gandhi Market, Trichy. Pak. intelligence papers found in left horn….”

“Monsoons delayed by months. Unprecedented drought. PM demands immediate release of monsoons…….”

Leaving aside all that, CAT is around the corner. I was riding on a wave of confidence till somebody told me that there are two lakhs people giving it. And you dont need to go to IMS to know that thats a big number. I suppose there are more CAT hall tickets floating around, than ration cards in Mizoram or something. But it is one tough exam. They could give you the questions the night before and those RCs could still stump you. Of course there is one fringe benefit. You get to read passages on things like, “The History of New Criticism in Poetry”, “An Investigation into the history of Private Property and inheritance” etc. All as interesting as watching the small green blinking lights behind your PC on the modem.

Thats all I can think of off hand right now. So till next time, take care and please keep those cheques and credit card numbers flowing in…….

Joke:

There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

“How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?!”

A whale of a time:

I read on UPI today that the American Navy has withheld use of low frequency sonars due to a court ruling. It was found that these sonar waves may be severely damaging whales all over the world, because the whales use sonar themselves and the navy was pumping in the waves at 140 decibels. If you don’t know how that feels, its like living at the end of the runway at an airport for your whole life. Or to make it more graphical, its like having Bappi Lahiri music pumping through your walkman every minute of everyday. I am telling you, one day all these whales, and tigers are going to discover nuclear weapons and all hell will break lose. And somebody else has found that every year upto 47% of the plants in the world maybe going extinct. Which basically means that we dont leave much space for anything else on the planet. Imagine a future where the only animals around will be chickens, the plants tobacco and marijuana, and all rain forests will be converted into car parks sponsored by Cola and petroleum companies. Sort of like a garish set from one of those K.T. Kunjumon Tamil movies.

Which brings us to the fact that Reliance Industries has discovered a mammoth source of fuel in the Krishna Godavari basin. They say it will feed the country for years and years to come. And that the Andhra Pradesh economy will go through the roof. I have one sincere hope, that there will be an Andhra Pradesh years and years from now. If you think all the gultis out there are going to become Sheikhs, stop dreaming, the people in Bhopal thought that too.

No jokes today. I dont feel very funny at all.

Please destroy the originals:

Yesterday somebody sent me a mail about the Mallu star Mohanlal taking Ram Gopal Verma to court for not paying him his salay in full for the movie Company. He was promised 50 lakhs and was paid only 36 lakhs to date, and was suing him for 14 lakhs. Which is all very fine you might say. But if you are one of the vast majority of people who earn around 2 lakhs a years, thats very poignant. Mohanlal gets paid 25 years of your life, for wearing an ill fitting Khakhi suit, mumbling heavily accented Hindi, (most of which I bet even he didnt really get), and spending most of his time looking over his spectacles. If you still think he deserves all that, he also got to talk to Isha Koppikkar for free. (Yes a few are are nodding their heads now). He probably danced with her for that Khallas song when noone was looking. (There are a whole lot of people who agree now). And now all he is doing is saying indirectly: “Hey come on and give me that remaining 8 years of Sidin’s salary, I am not happy with the 18 years you’ve already given me…” Hell, and I think my Medical Reimbursement is a gift from god. Which puts things in perspective for me. I have now refused to lose weight, give up my spectacles, and have now started Hindi classes. If there is any director out there, dont worry, I won’t fight over those few lakhs.

They have sent Devdas to the Oscars!! Thats like sending Saudi Arabia to the cricket world cup. Big, rich, lots of money, but caught the wrong bus….. They should have send a Govinda movie, or Baba even, and it wouldnt have made a difference. Thats not saying that Devdas wont get nominated, after all the Americans may give it for its: “Amazing depiction of ancient Indian alcoholism, bringing out the pathos of failed love, brimming over with the effervescence of over-aged Madhuris, under-talented Aishwaryas, and a lead man who seamlessly handles scenes of stammering, intense love, to scenes of stammering, intense humour. A salute to the strength of the producers back side….Truly a masterpiece of costume jewellery and silk sarees, of course coated with gold dust and silver safety pins….”

Now for our joke:

Q id you hear about the sardar skydiver?

A:He missed the Earth!